On being a babe inside your own brain
Objectifying, exotifying, sexist catcallers can just fuck off.
“Nice guys” who want you to smile and well-meaning relatives who think you should change your hair can fuck off too.
Shitty, fat shaming fashion mags can fuck off. Extreme makeover shows can fuck off.
People who associate queerness or political cred primarily with butchness can fuck off.
People who ask, “Can you still be a feminist if you wear lipstick?” can fuck off.
- “Boy Meets Girl” by Miguel Mansur
Femme is about being a babe inside of your own brain.
It’s about feeling like you are taking care of you.
It’s about knowing that you have assembled a team of experts – friends, partners, chosen family, lovers, mentors – to go through your life with. People who will see you the way you see you, and who aren’t afraid to set you to rights when you need a talking to.
Femme is about trusting your own conceptions of beauty, power, pleasure, and generosity.
If “femininity” is defined according to (sexist!) social expectations and separated entirely from “masculinity,” then Femme is looking over its shoulder and laughing at all those rules.
Of course, of course, of course, we all have influences, we all face pressures, and stereotypes, and social ideals. We all get inspired.
But femme isn’t those things.
I think that femme is subversive and radical because it asserts that I dress for me.
Femme is about knowing that we’re not dressing up solely to be checked out by men, approached by men, approved of by men. Many of us don’t have a man, and aren’t looking for one, either.
Femme is about knowing that no matter what you have on, you’re only asking for it when you actually, you know, ask for it. So you wear your clothes loud, and when you wanna fuck, you say so, loud.
- Catch Teresa, the femme shark on the left, at her blog, Airplanes and Timezones
Femme is about feelings. It’s about the way you feel when you look in the mirror, when you catch a glimpse of your strut in a store window, the way it feels to be dressed up wandering around the world. Femme is about how style can feel from the inside out. Femme is about the knowledge that you nailed your look your way.
10 Responses to “On being a babe inside your own brain”
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- - 26/02/2012
- - 07/03/2012
I feel like that this post would have been awesome for Amy’s Self Love Month!
http://www.amymorby.com
It’s self love eternity around here!
Thanks for posting that “Boy Meets Girl” piece. I’ve never seen it before…and am loving it!
also…”it’s self love eternity around here!”???? LOVE IT. MOTTO FOR LIFE.
Thanks for linking my blog, Iris!
Always look forward to your posts…
No, I always look forward to YOUR posts. Those femme shark photos of you are some of my biggest fashion influences ever.
(nod) this is why “feminine” in the comment on yr “what is femme” post made me get nauseated and run away.
LIKERTONS
This:
“Femme is about knowing that we’re not dressing up solely to be checked out by men, approached by men, approved of by men. Many of us don’t have a man, and aren’t looking for one, either.”
and this:
“Femme is about feelings. It’s about the way you feel when you look in the mirror, when you catch a glimpse of your strut in a store window, the way it feels to be dressed up wandering around the world. Femme is about how style can feel from the inside out. Femme is about the knowledge that you nailed your look your way.”
are perfect! I am loving your blog! This is the best online reading I’ve done in a long time!
That is the sweetest thing to say. I’m really glad that people are getting something out of it!