I feel like I can’t have any of the nice things I want.
Written out, that sounds childish as shit, right? It does.
But it still feels this way sometimes.
I have been telling my pals that I just want to be rich enough to buy my toilet paper based on which package has the cutest animal on it. But that’s not true, or not only.
I also want lots of other things:
- To know I will make rent & to be able to put whatever I need in the grocery cart without worrying.
- To be able to take days off work to see friends or family and still be able to pay bills.
- To not worry about money before calling in sick.
- To be able to afford to make ethical/handmade purchasing choices more often.
- To be able to help pay for a car so that I can get to the country to take my dog for hikes.
- & also all the books and yarn and shoes and jewellery and pets
- & a retirement fund – or even a savings account.
- All my friends within visiting distance!
- A time machine that will let me bring my boyfriend home for an hour of snuggling.
I don’t know how to shut off that list in my head.
But I do know that it isn’t the only story.
Here is a recipe idea for you from a day that I thought I had no food in the house:
Pasta from my freezer. Sautéed with onion & yellow peppers & strawberries & balsamic vinegar. Topped with avocado.
Tasty & filled with all the food colours. It turned out that I didn’t need anything I didn’t have already. This happens all the time.
I just caught myself writing my to-do list with a pink glitter pen which perfectly matches my pink glitter manicure. I don’t have everything & even though some important things are missing, I have enough to get by.
Today what I needed was to sit in the sun on my front lawn with my dog leaning against me, reading a book, drinking a café au lait and watching bees hover around the clover. All these things are already at my disposal.
The hard part is remembering about it.
I have been feeling social-inspiration-internet-burnout real hard. Closing my pinterest-tumblr-twitter windows helps. Opening my actual real windows – you know, where the sun and breezes come in – that’s even better.