Good Friends, Good Feelings
I started writing this entry on Sunday at work & just got back to it now! This week has had so much stuff in it.
This week most of my good things are feelings:
- I took (& probably passed!) my Accounting midterm last weekend. I am astounded that I sat down at a desk in front of some blank sheets of paper & a few hours later I came up with some more-or-less correct financial statements just from using my brain. I have always felt that lifelong learning is important but as an undergrad I thought this would mean that I would spend evenings cozied up with Plato’s Republic or something. No matter what kind of grade I get on the test the realization that I can do new kinds of things has been so fantastic.
- Speaking of accounting, I have been thinking a lot about the notion of being accountable to someone else & being accounted for. The thing about being a single lady means not having to be responsible to anyone but it means that you have to be responsible for you, get your shit together, & make all the decisions. There are some moments when that is terrifying & many more where I feel a little bit thrilled about it. Something very empowering & motivating about taking care of my fucking self, you know?
- Big salads for breakfast.
- Had a great chat with a feverish four year old about sharks. Sometimes it’s so rad to hang out with kids not just because they are cute but because they are interested in the coolest shit. I love hanging out with my adult friends but we talk about our jobs and bills and stuff, not, you know, about sharks. This little dude also complimented my silver glitter manicure & that is probably the tenderest way to a femme’s heart. Now we’re friends for life, kid.
- Still feeling gratitude for the people in my life in such a deep way. Sometimes the small things people do & say just mean a lot – I hope that I am making that contribution for the many many people I love in my life, too. For instance, I just had breakfast with a pal who was visiting from out of town & I know just how taxing it can be as an introvert to travel & make plans & be sociable & so Gillian, it was so lovely to see you! Thanks for makin’ it happen.
- Did a little bit of post-exam retail therapy xmas shopping & it was pretty magical. For all the ranting I do about consumerism & whatever it was nice to overhear so many people talking about fulfilling the desires of people that they love. I mean, aww!
- Bought myself a very impractical winter trench coat with ruffles. Aww shit. Yes!
- Learning to trust my instincts. Learning to recognize good impulses, & act on them. Feeling a bit braver than I used to.
- Merino wool thigh high socks.
- Went to a special yoga workshop with my friend Rebecca this week & it was all magic. I haven’t been to this particular teacher in years but I immediately signed up for the next session because whoa, does that shit make me feel better. My brain has been processing this huge rush of big changes & it felt like my body finally had a chance to catch up. When I left I felt like I was surrounded by a little bubble of calm that nothing could interfere with. Magic!
- Visited my human friends Claire and Meagh in Toronto on my day off & their animal friends Lily the dog & Pope the kitten. All we did was eat snacks & catch up & cuddle. The kitten & the dog are best friends & they like to nap together & play hide and seek & any time I feel like being an adult means being tough and jaded I get blindsided by an opportunity to watch a dog and cat take turns bopping each other on the nose. I went to sleep with my arms wrapped around an affectionate black lab & slept more soundly than I have in months.
I can’t believe that I’m going home to see my family in just a few days. I miss them! I have an unprecedented three days off in a row & I am sure by the end of it I will be homesick for my pals & my shop full of vintage outfits, but until then…