Beauty in Repetition: Good Things.

I almost didn’t write this week because I have nothing new to say. What can I say?

This sense of unrelenting wonder

at the loveliness of my friends, my family is still there. I get to walk through a big beautiful historic park filled with tall trees on my way to anywhere, & I stop every time & feel myself lifted up a bit in the middle of this open space. On my way to a friend’s house this evening there was a layer of frost over every surface & the ground glittered.

I wake up in the morning with a sense of certainty & warmth. I feel safe. Time alone is giving me the opportunity to face myself, & I like who is there. I feel calm & ready. I feel patient & still brave. I feel hopeful & steady. I feel creative. I am feeding myself well. I am making things. I am laughing, a lot. Slowly but surely in this new space new routines are developing, & those are mine alone to know.

It is January & I feel like myself,

which is the gift of all seasonal affective disorder gifts. It’s due to hard work & a lot of luck, but I don’t remember the last time I had a winter like this. I feel like my own growing season has doubled in length.

What can I say?

• Watching idle no more get bigger & bigger.
• Finding ways to stay connected with long-distance friends.
• Sitting in an empty apartment listening to records.
• Cooking beautiful dinner for one.
• Small gestures & kind words from people I am lucky to know.
• Trying not to suppress any well-meaning urge to give compliments.
• Listening to other people’s stories.
• Knitting, always.
• Hot toddies, ginger beer, & a prescription from my doctor for more ice cream.
• Staying up late & waking up early.
• The way I feel when I look up at my bedroom window as I walk toward home.
  
• Waking up to phone calls from my mom.
• Workin’ on that eyeliner goal.
• Making frivolous & consequential plans.